“Thou hast become dark and cannot hear me. When I die shall I not be like Enkidu? Sorrow enters my heart. I am afraid of death.” These words came from a Babylonian hero Gilgamesh on reflection of his now deceased friend Enkidu.
In reference to a passing friend Jose Mourinho wrote this “I know what you would say now if you could ‘mister stop crying, tomorrow you have a match and your boys need you ready and strong’ I promise you BICHO, I am going to do it. RIP because your legacy stay with us.”

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest. Ecclesiastes 9:10


While death has remained a mystery to us, we cannot help but also are forced to understand its reality and presence within our midst as mortals. It is our susceptibility to it that then makes us mortals without death then we become immortals. It is from death that man is to suffer in deep grief, some to extend that they are then defined as neurotic and to some states even psychotic according the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder.
It is often difficult that in a neurotic state a patient after loss has to lose again the problematic defenses and thought which makes them unusually problematic. In a psychotic state often day and night thoughts, images of the death makes them unable to daily function. To help a psychotic patient from a grief state it is often that the therapist helps the patient to build defences which can help in stopping thoughts, images. The use of a limited set of defensive mechanisms in a panoply of situations can prove to be a difficult part in the life of one suffering from a neurotic condition. It is often the case that persons working in grief find the patients stuck in denial and other defensive mechanism which do not allow the patients to move progressively from a grieving state.
The above epigraph of Jose Mourinho puts to light the person who has managed to grieve adaptively, it is when a person has drawn strength in the death of one, it is from that death of a close loved one that one becomes emboldened to face life and the myriad challenges it brings, with titanic strength which can ripple to strengthen others in one’s proximity of influence. In therapy often a therapist has the difficult position to create and bring an environment which facilitates change in the lives of those usually before him for counselling sessions. It is also to the therapist disposal that they have the unlimited power and opportunity to ask questions that elicit change to the patient. Questions which put the client to an observer perspective and other perspective which help the patient to see things from an epoch which previously he could not. This helps the client understand the situation and themselves more within the context of a situation. This often then calls themselves to shift or rather think of shifting from a particular behavior which has been problematic. The question like “if your dead friend was to be alive or see you mourning or grieving in such a way what could they say?” The question though weak it has one potential within it which remains un breakable thus it transpositions the client from a mourning position to a position which he observes the mourner which is himself and then gives advise to the one (himself) stuck in grief and mourning. This transposition becomes important because it might literally be the first time the patient changes his position.
The epigraph from Gilgamesh is sweeping in its reflective stance. It is often important though heart wrenching to hear the client reflect on the death of the client in particular on how they saw the deceased. The description by Gilgamesh on Enkidu “Thou hast become dark and cannot hear me. When I die shall I not be like Enkidu?” gives and informs to the hearer that closure has been attained by Gilgamesh in that he is sure that his friend has died as he had become totally unresponsive. It is to the dead person that he looses every ability to be responsive either in congruence or vice versa.
To the therapist and patient it is also important that we deal with death grief understanding also our mortality. This helps in ensuring that we don’t deal with death while in deep denial that we are going to face the same as those whom we are grieving for. Its an uncomfortable position which is unnecessarily necessary as it allows us to experience grief and death in an un common position of also allowing ourselves to grieve about our own mortality. Gilgamesh is in that position he mourns Enkidu and at the same time grieves himself when he states “….When I die shall I not be like Enkidu”. From this statement Gilgamesh is now experiencing his death and in his experiencing his death it is different from his friend.
As you read this what are your experiences from these writings can you experience your own death?

Prosper K Mushauri
Counselling Psychologist
Email: pkvamushauri@gmail.com